The dance between work and family time on farms is a polarity. Polarities are never solved, but must be managed, demanding an intentional decision. Are you going to work on Sunday afternoon, or are you going to take the kids skating? Help your spouse or do farm calls?
Everyone needs rest and renewal time. We take ours on Sundays and choose not to work on our grain farm. Livestock owners need labour help or relief workers to block out four or five hours in the day for family.
The farm comes first. This belief isn’t workable if there’s never any time for family in the busy season. When are you going to take intentional time with family? The conflict with this mindset is you have a need to complete farm tasks and you don’t have a need your spouse and kid’s needs. “This is just how it is” is your way of thinking. Conflict on your farm about the pull between work needs and family desires is continuing because you haven’t stopped to be creative with solutions to the polarity.
After harvest we will do this. Pushing family time into the future isn’t a workable solution, especially for folks whose love language is “quality time”. How can you prioritize or block a couple of hours throughout your farming week to be present to your family? Having a calendar can be your friend to block time.
We don’t have any help. Many of us have been raised to be strong independent folks who can make things work on our own. It’s time to challenge this mindset and enlist help where you need it. One of my coaches, Lydia Carpenter, uses European workers for a season in their direct farm marketing operation. If you say you don’t have money to hire help, can you barter your time with friends to exchange time for farm work relief?
What is enough? Your family needs time and attention. The farm needs consistent management and we understand “all hands-on deck” busy times. Ultimately, we choose how to have measured persistence in getting things done, yet if your value is intimacy, relationship and friendship, you need to pay attention to what’s filling your emotional bank account. Talk to your spouse about what fills your tank. Working to be heard and understanding requires focused listening. When the need for connection, family support and play is pushed away time and time again, then people lose hope things will be different.
Family days or afternoons where you focus on family fun and time together with friends. My grandkids have a book called “Dadurday” where the kids make a list of things they would love to do with dad on a Saturday.
Educational days where you combine your love for ag and do crop tours with the kids, go to a farm show, or let them ride along with you in the field. Asking for help from your mother-in-law or bartering time with a friend may help you.
Cameras and robots on your farm. Emily Reuschel, from the Gather in Growth podcast, and her family took a family road trip away from their farm, but kept an eye on things using technology. One young dairy farmer shared about how he was having a bbq party while the robots milked, delighting in how the investment that gives him more time to be a present dad.
Use better math. You need to practice subtraction. When farm life seems overwhelming, what do you need to let go of? This summer I let other women use my garden space. Where is it written that to be a good (fill in the blank) you have to do a certain thing on your farm. Can you say no?
Figure out your personal style and needs. Managing your needs and the need of your spouse is the dance of work/life balance. Use the one to 10 scale to prioritize family time. Ask on a scale of one to 10 how ready are you to block two hours on Sunday for the family to have fun? If you answer 10 and your spouse answers two, then you have some negotiating to do.
The dance of the work/life balance on farms never stops. Can you embrace deep listening to your spouse’s needs?
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