b'TRANSITION PLANNINGTools to Get Better atFixing Farm FightsARE YOU LIVING WITH broken hearts? The deepabout what they truly want and why some things, e.g., emotions of stubborn farmers need to surface to letgrandfathers quarters are so important to them. You may healing begin. Farmings emotional factors are keepingnot know anger is simmering in your spouse or your heir you stuck.when hurt has been caused without your knowledge. Conflict is not bad. Unresolved hurtful conflict isThere may also be fear of failure when founders assume frustrating and diverting good management energythe next generation will not be able to manage debt or risk towards drama. on the farm. Can you identify what is causing you to feel Just because there is drama on your farm, you dontpinched or tense?have to attend the performance.6. That was then and this is nowConflict erupts ELAINE FROESE,1. Love doesnt read mindsHolding cards close tofrom unrealistic expectations. Farmers of the 1980s author, speaker,your chest isnt wise. I have no idea what youre thinking,remember the pain of selling land to settle debt. Fast coach, farm partner. Life isfeeling, needing, or wanting unless you tell me. Peopleforward 40 years and we now have non-farm kids asking precious. Death isneed to talk. Everyone needs to listen. Families are meantfor large gifts of farmland. Fighting about expectations not to be feared. Visit elainefroese. to be a source of nurture and love, providing roots andover keeping the farm intact is a conflict issue to be com/shop/ forwings. addressed, with explanation of why you want to keep the communication resources to2. Talk with a tone of grace and kindness not abrasivefarmland intact for the farming successors. Where is it get the toughswearing or yellingHoney is going to get you muchwritten it is your job as parents and founders to keep all conversations started.further than a voice filled with vinegar. Listen to yourself.your children economically equal? This isnt workable. Do you like how you sound? Abrasiveness and profanityLawyer Mona Brown uses poison pill tools to protect arent getting you the results you want. agriculture land so its not flipped a few short years after 3. Share your intentIntentions are hidden until wethe land transfer.share why we want certain things. How about starting7. Can be you be a reconcilerEvery conflict a sentence with, It is not my intent, mom and dad, toresolution story involves someone being willing to sound greedy or entitled, I just need to know the plan foracknowledge wrongs done and then work towards us as a younger couple to find a way to build equity on thiscreating a solution. When I ask families about their farm. I need to decrease the anxiety over the uncertaintymodels of forgiveness, theyre dumbfounded. How do of my familys future. you make things right when there is an offense caused, 4. What does everyone wantThis is called theharm done, things broken? Author Gary Chapmans common interest. I suspect you all want a harmoniousbook The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthier working relationship and a profitable farm. You alsoRelationships says an apology may not be enough. What want people to have roles that give them meaning andare you willing to do to make things right? Do you need purpose as they age in place. You likely dont want to be into change your actions and behaviour? Is restitution business with non-farm heirs. People usually pull togethernecessary? An entire branch of a family tree is severed due in the same direction when theyre clear about what theyto greed, harsh words, and lack of forgiveness, along with want and why. Do you know what you want for incomeno wills being read before the benefactor dies. Do you streams? For housing? For fairness? When the spouseswant to be rich in relationship? What are you going to do dont want the same things, youre likely going to get stuckto learn the skills of reconciliation?with no plan. One spouse is tired and wants a new life8. Invest in outside help to create clear communication away from the farm while the other isnt ready to move or Independent folks love to fix things on their own. let go of decision making.This may work on your favourite old baler, but its not 5. Pinches are tensions which build and are notgood to do it yourself when emotions are running high. resolvedFacilitated family meetings have surpriseA facilitator/coach keeps the family conversation safe and announcements when folks start opening up to talkrespectful.56SPUDSMART.COMFall 2023'